Ahh flatmates… after having the joy and privilege of living in 5 flats in as many years I can honestly say I have come across some strange and wonderful people. In the flat where we actually liked each other most of the time, it was easy to stomp across the hallway, knock on the door and tell your half asleep flatmate to; do their dishes, stop eating your food, give you the £8 they owe you for the Internet broadband bill. However when animosity occurs, rather than confronting these issues on a day-to -day basis, its easier to write (or better still- text) a passive aggressive message to your irritating compadre informing them of your annoyance towards; clumps of their hair in the plug-hole, bringing friends home to party at 3a.m, putting the empty milk carton back in the fridge. Here’s a few of my favourites.
Passive Aggressive note no. 1
The Dragon in the Fridge
Why is the fridge warm? Who knows? Perhaps it’s been accidentally switched off but there’s probably a fire breathing mythical creature living in it. Yeah, that’s more likely to be the cause of this problem.
Passive Aggressive note no.2
Attempted Hamster Murder
We’ve all had that flatmate. The thermostat Nazi. It can be the height of summer outside and the thermostat is constantly set to 89 degrees. You’re sweltering and… whats that? Poor little Hammy is breathing like Darth Vader? TURN THE FRIGGIN HEATING OFF before we all roast like Sunday dinner!
Passive Aggressive note no. 3
The Empty Milk Carton Conundrum
Putting the empty milk carton back in the fridge is one thing- but sticking it to the fridge?.. that takes the cake. I mean, how long does it take to run to the shop on the corner? A lot less time that it would take to stick a milk carton to the fridge door that’s for sure.
Passive Aggressive note no. 4
Debbie be Warned
Shared amenities can cause problems and there are unspoken rules, they look like this.
1. Don’t drink my alcohol… ever. I mean NEVER, when I come home from a long day at work- I will need the remaining 50mls of wine I have left.
2. If you do borrow a few handfuls of pasta shapes or a scoop of coffee ask first, don’t simply inform me after you have taken it.
3. If you finish it, replace it.
4. If it’s unopened, it’s out of bounds.
5. Leftover take out food is a NO- GO area. If you eat my leftover chow mein, the proverbial poop will hit the fan. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Passive Aggressive note no. 5
The Noisy Neighbour
From what I hear, the honey badger don’t care, he’s too nasty. A bit like this noisy chap. He doesn’t care that you don’t to be rudely awoken by all 180 decibels of “All the Single Ladies” in the middle of the night, oh no. He doesn’t care if he wakes you at 3am, he doesn’t care if he wakes you at 5am… Oh, and he doesn’t care if it’s a week night either.
Passive Aggressive note no. 6
Don’t Kill the Unicorns
Flatmates of the world- put your stuff away! It doesn’t just stop with books or little bits and pieces you happen to leave in the communal areas, this goes for doing your washing up too, just do your dishes, then I can use the big frying pan and we have enough clean plates that I don’t have to wash one whilst holding a hot crock pot in my other hand. Think of the unicorns. Poor unicorns.
What is the funniest note ever left to you by your flatmate? Don’t forget to let us know in the comments section below!